I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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