Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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