I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
