I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
