i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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