Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
