i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
