i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
