i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
