I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
