I can tuck mytits in my pants
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
