Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
