I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
