I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
