yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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