i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
