I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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