It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
