Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
FUCK WHALES
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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