She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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