Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
