So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
