There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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