Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
