his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
