he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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