Cold hands, warm shart.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
