i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
