Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
