I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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