dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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