I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
