my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
