Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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