a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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