Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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