On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
