Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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