It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
