now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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