you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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