After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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