whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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