i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
