But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
