nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
