You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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