You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
