dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
