It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
