the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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