Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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