ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
