I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
